Our legacy is what others have seen, benefited from or heard that remains with them. Being someone that can bring peace in a storm is a wonderful part of anyone’s legacy.
My greatest experiences in bringing that calm came by making mistakes and watching others that brought me peace in my storms. If you are a calming element of grace, thank you!
If you are in the learning curve of cultivating this ability, read on and take what can add to your legacy of being a calming agent of peace and grace.
You walk into the room welcomed by the sound of a loved one deeply crying. For a moment you stand still surrounded by questions you want to ask and comfort you need to give.
At the same time, your mind reverts back to times in the past that you jumped in to offer help and it did not have the response expected because your help fell in the pit of “you just don’t understand”.
This loved one could be a child, spouse, parent or even friend. The hurt you feel in them is like a burning match in your own heart. At these delicate, emotionally filled times; take a moment, it is time to respond not react with things like this.
Reactive Words and Actions
- Don’t say, “Calm down”! This is like pushing the remote volume button UP!
- Don’t ask rapid-fire questions! This will push the shut down button.
- Don’t take a work call in the middle of their crisis! This will push the evacuation button.
We all know these are not what needs to be done, but if we do not take a moment to respond, we will reactive with one of them.
Response with Calm, Patience and Love
These 3 things have been proven paths to enable your loved one to gently leave panic, hurt or frustration long enough to let the love you are surrounding them with, enter in and bring needed calm.
Be silent and move in slowly. Close in and touch them softly, not patting, just a gentle yet firm hand on them letting them know “I’m here”. If they are a pacer when upset, you may have to do this a few times until they hear your touch saying, “I am with you”.
It is important to remember, you can not give what you do not have, so if you have not calmed the storm that greeted you in the door way, give yourself time to embrace that calm before reaching out to the one that is awaiting your gift of love, patience and calm.
Let them talk, or not. When they begin to look toward you, don’t assume they are ready to talk. Look into their eyes and maintain the gentle touch. Once they begin to talk, don’t offer advice, or try to fix it right after they started to talk.
Listening in Love
This is where knowing your loved one and them knowing you is a blessing. Respond in short familiar affirming statements. If they know you as strength, affirm that strength with “I’m here with you”. If they know you as the voice of reason to thier frustration, speak hope with “We will figure this out”. Calm comes when familiar love communication is heard.
Allow them to be part of the resolution of the event. We all want someone to save the day when we are upset, but we also know that it may not be the right thing to do. What we really want is someone that will “reason with us” to bring the desired outcome.
When the stream value is done, ask them to help you find a way for this to not happen again, if possible. Tell them you can not do it alone, because you can’t. When something happens to our loved one be it, emotional, relational, or physical; they need to be part of the healing or resolution to gain the balance of peace, calm while walking away with a lesson learned.
Lessons Learned Keep Giving
These approaches to calming the storms have worked for me in my personal, professional and ministry relationships. My lesson learned is that having the answer is not the most important thing; it is being there and surrounding them with calm, peace and love.
Until next time remember, we craft our legacy daily, do it as it becometh you.